Eerieass Island of Mystery
by RomanceGuru
Summary: FireflyLOST crossover. JayneSawyer fun, pure madness and a splash of Rayney goodness. Cracktastic! Part 1 of 2. Cowritten with Nutmeg610.
1. Chapter 1

Authors: Nutmeg610 and Romanceguru

Warning: Major crack, Minor LOST spoilers up to season 3.

Notes: Kate and Sawyer once played a game of 'I never' during a LOST episode so

we thought a similar scenario would be an ideal opportunity for our favorite

merc and conman to, well, interact.

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The sun had just disappeared behind miles of lonely ocean, nightfall cooling the humid air ever so slightly. This kind of hot Jayne wasn't used too; air so thick you didn't know whether to breath it in or drink it down.

For the most part, it'd been a rutting lousy day. What with almost being _et_ by the gigantic black cloud puff again and the small detail of still being stranded in the middle of no and where.

At present, Jayne was spending his downtime just off the beach getting hammered with some smooth-talking fella, trying forget his ever present bad luck.

They were putting to use the bushel of hootch they'd found in the jungle earlier with a decent drinking game. Now only if there were some whores on this island, Jayne's night would be set.

Relaxing in the sand, the merc settled up against a log and tried to think up something he'd never done before. A minute or so passed by as he squinted at the scruffy guy who's hair was way too long to be considered manly, in Jayne's opinion.

"Okay, never have I ever picked up any disease offa a woman." Jayne finally said with a smirk.

Sawyer's eyes widened just slightly, but then he rolled them and threw back a shot from the tiny airplane bottle of Jack Daniel's. "Ain't like I didn't get over it."

"Suuuure." Jayne answered

Sawyer narrowed his eyes at Jayne, partly because he didn't much like the cocky son of a bitch, but also because he was trying to think up something really good to come back at him with.

Sitting back, confidence reclaimed Sawyer's expression as it came to him.

"Alright, I got one for ya, slick. Never have I ever got my ass kicked by a girl that was 1/8th my size." That ought to do it, Sawyer thought smugly as he poked at the crackling fire. The stuff he learned from the guy doing the shadow puppets the other night was becoming quite useful.

The merc was unfazed as he popped the cap of a mini vodka, he'd already gotten plenty of heat from, well, everyone on the matter. It weren't nothing new.

"Give it some time." Jayne promised as he shook his head and smirked on violent-y memories. Sonny or Sawyer or whatever the hell his name was really had know idea what the girl was capable of. Taking the shot, Jayne swayed slightly as he gestured with empty bottle in hand. "Jus' don't let her near the knives 'er the guns. Oh, an' anythin' that…"

"Alright, alright, I get it." Sawyer dismissed with a wave of his hand. "Stay away from psycho-chick or next game we'll both be drinkin' to the same sad song."

"Right." Jayne muttered, picking up a new bottle. "Let's seeeeeeee... never have I ever..." he paused, looking around and waiting for a thought to hit him.

"Sometime today, Sasquatch."

"Who?" Jayne asked, not getting the reference.

"Never mind, just come up with somethin' already."

"Okay, okay. Uh, never have I ever lost a fair fist fight."

"God dammit." Sawyer muttered, knowing there were more than a few where he didn't come out on top, but only a few. He was going to be drunker than a skunk before the night was through. The big dumb lug was quicker that he looked. Or was he? Ah ha! That was it. "Never have I ever not finished a book, article, essay, you name it." Sawyer affirmed proudly.

"Now wait a gorram minute. You ain't right playin' fair. Don't got no use fer books anyhow, fer what I do." Jayne near pouted. No ruttin' way was this douche going to act all smarter than him, all pretentious and such. Bet he didn't even know the meaning of _that_ word.

"All's fair is fair, Einstein." Sawyer cocked an eyebrow at Jayne. "You ain't getting' yer feelings all hurt on account 'a me, now are ya, weepy?

"What feelin's?" Jayne growled, taking his shot and then rubbing his goatee, trying to come up with something good. And who the hell was Einstein anyhows?

He eyeballed the _hun dan_ smirking up a storm across from him. He was a pretty skinny weakling, compared to Jayne.

"Never have I ever left food on my plate at the end of the meal."

"That the best one you got, corn-on-the-cobb?" Sawyer exclaimed. "Shit, haven't come a cross a man yet that don't scrape his plate clean."

"Well, then, you ain't met the Doc yet, have ya?" Jayne countered.

"Your Doc?" Sawyer questioned. "Said a man, not some candy-ass, pretty boy."

"Huh." Jayne sat back and with a crooked smile. "Mebbe me an' you'll get along jus' fine after all."

Sawyer eyed the larger man warily. "Long as ya don't get in my way, we'll be right as rain."

"Settle yerself down, Sonny." Jayne chided, puffing out his chest a bit, feeling the drink loose in his blood. "Don't git in a man's way 'less he gives me cause ta."

"Sounds fair." Sawyer resigned, it niggling him a little that the guy thought his name was Sonny, but he let it be. "Shall we continue?"

"Yer up." Jayne nodded.

Sawyer was quick and confident with his next proclamation. "Never have I ever had at shell out a pretty penny for a roll between the sheets."

Jayne snickered, proudly guzzling down the rest of the bottle. Once he'd finished, he said, "Womenfolk gotta make a livin' too. Ain't no shame in payin' 'em fer their services."

Sawyer rolled his eyes at that. "Hell I make it my business to take money _offa_ people, not give it to 'em."

Jayne shrugged, still not ruffled by what the man had said. He tried thinking of what he knew about Sawyer, based on general talk around the island, as well as random things River had mentioned that she'd gotten out of his head. If Jayne didn't know any better, he would have thought she was gearing him up to play this little drinking game against the con man; making sure Jayne had plenty of ammo to use against him.

"Alrighty, Blondie. Try this on fer size. Never have I ever been tortured by a spinal surgeon and a geniune Iraqi." _Whatever the gui a Iraqi is... _Jayne finished in his head.

"How can ya know that? Kate blabbin' her damn mouth again?" Sawyer scowled.

"Women, I tell, ya. Can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em."

"That's fer gorram certain." Jayne held his little drink up and toasted the air.

"Anyways, it wasn't nothin' I couldn't handle." Sawyer explained casually. "Got me a kiss and a pretty scar to show for it."

As he boasted, Sawyer slipped the shirt off of his shoulder to expose his stab wound. "All and all I say it was an pretty interesting day."

Jayne snorted at the tiny mark. "That ain't nothin'" Pulling off his sticky t-shirt, Jayne showed off the long, angry scar slashed across his chest.

"Damn, Rambo, where'd ya pick up that one?"

"Heeeey, ya ain't drinked yet." Jayne motioned at Sawyer's bottle. With an eyeroll, the man took his shot.

"Now 'fess up." Sawyer said. "Where'd ya git it?"

Making a face, Jayne rubbed his fingertips across the scar. "The crazy girl done sliced me with a butcher's knife."

Sawyer's eyes widened. "That little thing? Boy, what'd you do ta piss her off?"

"Nuthin'!" Jayne protested. "She's jus' batty in the brainpan. She told me later that it was cuz 'a the shirt I was wearin'."

"You weren't kiddin' earlier 'bout the damage that lil' hellcat can cause. I'm starting to like her more already." Sawyer proclaimed with a toothy grin. "I like mine feisty."

"Yeah, well I like mine sane." Jayne retorted.

After continuing to compare their various scars, and giving short summaries on how each one was acquired, it was determined that Jayne easily took the cake in the sliced 'n' diced department.

"You just lived on a boat full of love and harmony, didntchya?" Sawyer remarked with his usual sarcasm as they put their shirts back on. "Wasn't yer ship named _Serenity_?"

"Livin' in the black's better than afore we crashed onta this dung heap." Jayne defended and looked around at the creepy trees that sometimes sounded like they were whispering. "Place gives me an uncomfortableness. What kinda jungle island has giant white bears anyhow?" The merc posed incredulously, his body language and speech becoming increasingly animated.

"I ain't gonna disagree with you there, Comrade. But it ain't half bad s'long as the Village of the Damned don't come knockin"." Sawyer admitted.

"Ya mean those weird-ass zombie lookin' folk?" Jayne inquired.

"That's them. Put me in a goddamn cage. Smelled like a damn fish biscuit for a week after." Sawyer reminisced bitterly. "Them people are way off their rocker, I'm tellin' ya."

"Well, ya shouldn't've let yerself get took." Jayne pointed out. He hardly felt bad for the guy. After being locked up once, that was enough. He made a lot of mistakes but never the same one twice.

Remembering through his drunken haze that they were in the middle of something, Jayne decided to cut the chit chat short. "So, we still playin' this game er what? I say first one ta pass out loses."

Sawyer pulled his eyes from the flames and shook himself from his trance. "I guess. Who's turn is it anyways?"

Hell if Jayne knew, but if he wanted Sawyer to pass out first, he'd have to make sure he drank more.

"My turn ta ask." Jayne answered. Face screwing up in thought, he finally picked something good. "Never have I ever... kissed a woman on the mouth."

"What, you afraid of cooties?" Sawyer grumbled, before taking his drink.

"What the _gui_ are cooties?" Jayne asked. "Them like the Goodnight Kiss?"

"What? No. You don't know a dang thing, now do ya?"

"No how ta shoot a man dead 500 yards out." Jayne boasted proudly.

Sawyer blinked at the mercenary. "Alright, Charles Whitman, I gotchya, but ya still haven't answered my question. Why haven't ya kissed a dame before?"

Jayne shrugged. "Just somethin' my pa told me when I was knee high. He said, 'Son, once ya let a woman kiss ya, she owns yer soul.' I don't want no one ownin' any part o' me. Don't matter how good she smells, 'er how smart she is, 'er how good she can shoot. I ain't kissin' her, not ever."

Sawyer cracked a slow smile. The guy had the worse case of denial he'd ever saw. Didn't matter though, this island had a way of making a person do crazy things.

"Let's see now. Never have I ever seen my kid."

Jayne raised an eyebrow at that. "Hell, what'd you do? Cheat on his mother 'er sumthin'?"

Sawyer looked into the fire as his smirk slid off his face. "Nah, I conned her. Ended up in jail. But she brought in a picture to show me. It's a girl; name's Clementine."

"Well then," Jayne replied, "it ain't really true that ya ain't seen her, now is it? Pictures count."

Sawyer rolled his eyes. "_Fine_. Never have I ever seen my kid in person. Happy now, Mr. Picky?"

Jayne merely shrugged. "I don't got no young'uns runnin' 'round, so I ain't drinkin'. As fer you, never have I ever seen that Kate girl nekkid." His eyes glazed over a bit, as he certainly started imagining it.

"Good, and you ain't ever gonna." Jealousy made Sawyer's skin tighten, but he tried to keep his anger subdued because he was mostly sure the big guy was trying to get a rise out of him. Besides, he still had other competition to worry about. Even if the good doc was Juliet's new lap dog.

Sawyer took his shot, because he in fact had seen Kate naked many of wondrous times, and then quickly set the game on a course where other men weren't imaging his girl in the buff.

A seriousness took over Sawyer's expression, he didn't know why he was getting all sentimental now. "Never have I ever said a nice word to Jumbotron."

Jayne scrunched up his face. "Who's that?"

"The big guy, you know, ya' high, this wide." Sawyer explained as he stretched his arms out exaggeratedly. "He ain't so bad. Guess I should let him know that once in a blue moon."

Jayne shrugged. "I ain't never talked ta him. So I guess we both gotta drink." They both tipped back their bottles, but as Jayne finished his, he had a thoughtful look on his face. Sawyer was smart enough to be apprehensive of it.

"Never have I ever said one nice word ta the Crazy Girl." Jayne muttered quickly.

"Well, why haven't ya? Bring her up enough." Sawyer accused and then cracked an amused smile off of Jayne's petrified expression. "That's it, ain't it? I'll be damned. Yer all smitten with that little firecracker, aintchya?"

"Smit--?" Jayne stopped right there, his brain unable to come up with a response to that. But gorramit, he wasn't smitten. He was... well, what was he? He was sorta fascinated with her. Interested. Curious. That was all. Bobbing his head to himself, he pointed at Sawyer with the hand holding the tiny bottle.

"Ain't smitten with nobody." he grumbled. "Ya don't know her like I do. She's a thorn in my side. Only reason I mention her at all is cuz she's got freaky mind powers and is a ruttin' weapon, an' that's of use ta our crew. That's all." His eyebrow raise at the end of the sentence dared Sawyer to disagree with him. Jayne hadn't gotten into a fistfight in far too long, and this was the perfect opportunity to wipe that smug look of the man's face.

Sawyer help his hands up in defense, "Whatever ya say, Loverboy."

"That's it, gorrammit!" Jayne tried to stand up but stumbled over himself before he regained his balance. "I've had enough of yer 'sumptions an' yer… yer thinkin' ya is all wily an'… other stuff I can't think on right now. So, stand up. I ain't gonna beat a man sittin' down."

Sawyer looked the man up and down. Was he serious? He sure looked to be that way. But seeing as how he was staggering about, Sawyer figured he could take him. It wasn't until he stood up that he realized that he could barely see straight.

"Okay, Mr. Darcy, let's go!" Sawyer yelled, holding his arms out to stay balanced. Jayne just gave him a confused look so Sawyer sighed, dropping his arms to his sides. "Mr. Darcy? _Pride and Prejudice?_ Don't you re--"

His question was cut short by Jayne's fist landing a solid hit to Sawyer's jaw.

Sawyers head snapped back upon impact, staggering back. He brought a hand up to the side of his face and rubbed the sore spot as he glared at Jayne. "What the matter, Tyson? You got something' against classic literature?" As soon as the words were out his mouth, Sawyer rushed forward and tackled the larger man to the ground.

The two rolled across the jungle floor causing a loud ruckus, neither in advantageous fighting form.

Jayne kneed the man in the stomach and managed to get above him, steadying one hand on the ground with the intent of punching him again. But before he had the chance, Sawyer head butted him, sending the merc flying back, cursing loudly in Mandarin.

"Oh yeah, Dumbo." Sawyer drawled. "You went flying all right." He started cracking up at the flying elephant reference that made perfect sense in his drunken mind, while all Jayne heard was the word 'dumb' before he flung himself back at Sawyer and started beating the ever-loving hell out of him while shouting out, "Don't call me dumb!"

"What the hell?!" Sawyer yelled, shielding his face with one hand and trying to punch Jayne without looking. "Were you the playground bully or what? D student if I ever seen one."

Finally, Sawyer elbowed Jayne in the mouth, and the man jerked back, needing to catch his breath before attacking again.

"Ruttin' hun dan!"

"Like I know what that even means, asshole."

"That's it! I'm gonna--"

"Hey!" a new voice cried out. Turning to look, they saw Kate and River standing in the clearing -- Kate glaring, River with a vague, unreadable expression.

"What the hell are you two doing? We could hear you from the beach." Kate asked, coming to kneel beside Sawyer and get a good look at his slowly bruising face.

He exchanged a look with Jayne. "Jus' a friendly game of 'I never.' You want in, Freckles?"

"Not if it ends with getting the crap kicked out of me." Kate snarked.

River knelt beside Jayne, reaching a hand out. "You're red."

"What?" Jayne grumbled, pushing her hand away.

"You're bleeding." she explained. "Split your lip."

Jayne looked up, trying to make the swirl of Rivers become one. "Yeah, what of it, crazy?" Wiping the blood from his mouth with the back of his hand, Jayne glared at Sawyer. "Lil' girlie lookin' man had ta go'n run his _shee-niou_ mouth off."

Kate snorted, sympathizing with Jayne. "It's his specialty. You have no idea."

"Hey, now! Just whose side are you on, Sweet Cheeks?" Sawyer gripped.

Rolling her eyes, Kate simply replied, "My own."

River stood up, and looked back and forth between the two bloodied men. "Strutting." She explained as if it were supposed to make perfect sense.

Turning to Sawyer, she smiled. "The males often kill their young."

Sawyer just stared at her, mouth slightly open, before he shrugged and shook his head. "You really are a Fruit Loop. May as well call you Toucan Sam."

Kate glared at him and stood. "Guess we should leave you children alone so you can kill each other. C'mon, River."

River just stood staring at Sawyer for a moment, while Kate passed her. The older woman turned to look for a second, but then kept walking, figuring River would follow eventually.

But River glided over to the Southerner and knelt before him instead.

"So deep." she murmured, staring at him in awe. "So rough outside, so much pain and sensitivity underneath." She reached out and touch his cheek softly, and Sawyer was too dizzy to move and stop her. Besides, she smelled pretty good, and Kate was being a bitch.

"Aww, hell, darlin', ain't no need to psycho-analyze me." he murmured, giving her his trademarked dimpled grin, and not noticing that Jayne's face had hardened considerably as he watched the exchange.

"Deeper'n than a kitty pool." Jayne remarked sarcastically, scowling hard at the two. The minute the moon-brained girl had touched Sawyer's face, he'd started to get all twitchy like.

He knew inebriation had caused him to see and hear weird things from time to time, but was crazy really flirting with that sumbitch? So rough outside, so much pain and sensitivity underneath. What kinda _go se _was that?

"You wearin' perfume 'er somethin'?" Sawyer asked River, sniffing the air. "You smell damned delicious."

The side of her mouth turning up in a smile, River shook her head. "I ate a mango not long ago." she answered. "Perhaps that is the scent you're detecting."

"Why don't you two stop the ruttin' chit chat an' finds yerselves a tent ta go rut in?" Jayne yelled, shaking the two from their conversation.

River turned from her squatting position and frowned at Jayne, sensing his dissatisfaction.

Sawyer carefully stood up, making sure to not to fall over, and offered a hand down to River. "Whaddaya say darlin', wanna make a date of it?" Kate had been sleeping in her own tent anyhow, and if she weren't, hell, that could be fun too.

"It depends." River replied, staring at Jayne. It gave him a funny feeling in his chest, but he tried to brush it off as being freaked out by her eyes. Her big, brown, creepy eyes. Big, brown, beautiful eyes...

"Depends on what?" Sawyer asked, swaying a little.

"On whether or not I already have a date." she replied, her eyes still glued to Jayne. Her voice dropping barely above a whisper, she asked, "Do I?"

Confusion in all forms gripped the merc. "I ain't the gorram reader! How's I supposed ta know who yer makin' yer dates wit'?"

Sawyer rolled his eyes. "She means you, genius. Now why that'd be, I'm not gettin'. Ya sure ya wanna pass up choice cut for table scraps, pixie-sticks?"

"Not table scraps." River replied, her eyes finally drifting away from Jayne and up to meet Sawyer's. "Main course. But he feels he is inedible." Cocking her head to the side thoughtfully, she continued, "I suppose you'll do."

All Sawyer heard out of that was he was going to get himself a piece. Offering his arm to girl, her he gave her a sexy smile. "Alright then, creampuff. Let's say you and me get straight to the dessert."

River stood and slipped her arm through Sawyer's, watching Jayne carefully

for any sort of reaction, but he just looked down and poked at the sand with a stick.

"Damn fool girl." Jayne muttered dejectedly as they walked away.

River's vision started to blur as Sawyer led her back towards his tent, staggering the whole way. She knew Jayne was the fool, not her. If he would just admit the feelings he kept locked inside, life would be much less complicated.

She wiped a hand under her eyes then rushed to keep Sawyer from falling as he tripped over a branch.

"Thanks, Sticks." he said, admiring her legs. Rolling her eyes, she yanked him upright.

"We shall go to your tent." she announced, trying to gather her courage. There was nothing wrong with practicing a bit of kissing, and from the way Kate had been thinking all day, River knew the other woman really wouldn't care, as she was pining after some doctor.

"Sounds like a plan." Sawyer said, continuing to stumble along.

END PART ONE


	2. Chapter 2

Authors: Nutmeg610 and Romanceguru

Warning: Major crack, Minor LOST spoilers up to season 3.

Summary: Hurley plays matchmaker as the group goes trekking through the jungle.

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About the time River and Sawyer reached the beach, with his tent in sight, was about the time Jayne roused himself from his one man pity party and started to follow them.

_Just to be sure she don't get into no trouble. _Jayne told himself as he stumbled through the foliage. He didn't want the doc to get his panties in a jumble and blame him if the girl went and got herself into something she couldn't handle.

_The slimy bastard is prolly sexing up crazy right about now,_ he thought with a twitch. He knew the girl had a right to enjoy getting off just as much as the next person, but for some reason the idea didn't settle too well in the pit of his stomach. Either that, or he'd done went and drunk himself sick.

Stumbling, Jayne put his hand on a tree to steady himself as his heaved a night's worth of drinking into some bushes.

As he steadied himself upright, he peered out into the dark. The two were nowhere to be seen. The beach was quiet, only the crash of waves and hum of isochronous crickets could be heard. Now, if only he could remember which little, floppy house was Sawyer's.

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With a sigh, River sat back on her heels, watching the blonde man snore. After depositing Sawyer on his makeshift bed, his eyes had rolled back and he had passed out cold, effectively ending the kissing lesson before it could even start.

River wasn't too broken up about it, however. If she was honest with herself, she would have just closed her eyes and pretended it was Jayne the entire time.

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Meanwhile, Jayne had run into Charlie, who was walking around with Aaron as he fussed, trying to get him to go back to sleep. Charlie directed Jayne to Sawyer's tent, raising an eyebrow in suspicion and looking like he was about to ask what the merc wanted with him, when a glare from the larger man prevented him from voicing his question.

Steeling himself for a sight he really didn't want to see, but knowing he had to break up their little tryst -- for the Doc, he told himself -- Jayne marched purposefully towards the tent and threw up the flap.

River was just pulling the blanket over Sawyer when a rush of cool, ocean air gust in, causing her to lose her balance and tumble atop of the passed out man.

Sawyer automatically wrapped his arms around River as he felt her weight and pulled her close, mumbling something about Kate in his sleep before rolling them both over.

Jayne just stood there feeling awkward and oddly jealous as he witnessed the two in a post-coital embrace. The ruttin' girl was made up of no sense, rolling around with strange island folk on a whim.

Clearing his throat, there was a sight edge in his voice as he addressed River. "Jus' came by ta warn ya that it'd be best iff'n ya were back in yer own tent come mornin'. Ya know how yer brother gits, girl." Jayne paused before adding, "An' he ain't gonna like this none."

River struggled to sit up against Sawyer's cataleptic death grip, wanting to refute the waves of raw disappointment emanating from the merc, but the hypocriticalness of his behavior in turn sparked her own stubbornness.

Giving up on fighting Sawyer's hold on her, she flopped back and answered into the darkness. "Capable of handling my own indiscretions, Jayne. Am a women ready to make her own decisions. Your advice is appreciated, but not necessary."

Jayne flinched at that, opening his mouth to say something but nothing came out. Just as he was about to turn away and lower the flap, Kate came running up, breathless and in a state of panic. She skidded to a stop as she peered in to the dim tent, shock and awe gripping her expression at the sight before her. For a split second, she forgot there were bigger problems arising on the island.

"Did he try anything with you?" Kate asked River, eyebrow raised with concern.

With a sigh, River reinstated her earlier stance. "I am a woman capable of making my own--"

"Yeah, yeah." Jayne muttered, turning to look Kate up and down. "What're you doin' here? 'Sides waitin' ta be sloppy seconds."

A dangerous glint came to Kate's eye, and there might have been a slugfest had Sawyer not groaned and awoken.

"Why's it sound like a fucking episode of Jerry Springer in my tent?"

Deciding to let Jayne's comment go, Kate stepped in closer and said, "Jack and Juliet are missing."

"Good." Sawyer replied, all of a sudden realizing he was holding onto River in front of Kate and awkwardly releasing her. "Guess they took a lover's stroll back to Othersville, huh?"

"Sawyer, this isn't funny; we have to find them."

"Well what do you expect me to do, Nancy Drew? I'm hungover as hell and it's dark out. Besides, I really don't care to find 'em."

"Well I do." Kate replied, balling her hands into fists at her side. "I'll just get Sayid to help me." And with that, she turned and exited the tent.

"Oh sure," Sawyer muttered, struggling to his feet, "Get the Iraqi Dudley Do-Right to help you. Wait a sec; I'm comin'." He trailed after her, leaving River and Jayne to stare awkwardly at one another inside his tent.

Jayne tore his eyes from River's and looked around the space nosily. "Heard jabber-mouth has a stash worked up. Mebbe I can finally find me a decent girly magazine."

River watched as Jayne started rustling through Sawyer's stuff, opening bags and unrolling clothing bundles. "We need to help them." she implored, a dreadful intuition creeping its way up her spine.

"You go right ahead." Jayne picked up a container of something and pried open the lid, sniffing the contents. Scrunching his face up, he gagged and coughed before quickly snapping the lid shut. "I ain't gonna look after yer boyfriend." He finished indifferently.

"James Ford is not my boyfriend." she replied evenly.

Jayne shot a glance over his shoulder, eyebrow raised. "Who?"

"Sawyer." River said with an eyeroll.

"Oh, well why didn't ya jus' say him?" he asked, finding a book and quickly flipping through it to see if there were any nudie pics. When it turned out to be a classic novel, he growled and tossed it aside.

"Jayne." River said quietly, coming to his side and touching his arm, causing him to go tense. "Will you please assist me in locating Kate and Sawyer and helping them in their search?"

Jayne stared at her for a moment, the wheels in his head turning. If she went off after them and got herself lost, everyone would blame him, but on the other hand, he really didn't want to walk alone with her. He'd start getting ideas about her and him together, and he didn't need a complication like that in his life. Stepping back from her, he shook his head.

"They know what they're doin'. They been on this island awhile now, an' they'll be fine."

Eyebrows creasing, River sighed in frustration and headed outside, calling out, "I'm going to help," back to him.

Heaving a sigh, Jayne ignored her and went back to searching. He finally found a girly magazine and a full bottle of booze hidden in a covered up hole in the sand. Well, it looked like his night was set. Glancing out the open tent flap, he half hoped River would come back, but he wasn't going to hold his breath. She was as stubborn as he was.

Jayne headed back to his tent with a lewd smirk plastered on his face as he flipped through the pages by the moonlight. Preoccupied with his new find, he almost ran right smack into the big guy. "Ruttin' hell, don't nobody sleep 'round here!" Jayne snapped.

"Oh, hey there, scary dude. I heard the news about Jack and Juliet. Was just going to see if they needed any help." Hurly explained.

"Best o' luck to ya." Jayne offered as he tried to get past.

Hurley called after Jayne as he walked away from him. "You should come."

Jayne turned back around as curly-haired one continued to plead his case. "You look like an pretty angry guy. You know, with all those guns strapped to you and such. We could use somebody like that."

Jayne snorted. "An' what's in it fer me?"

Hurley paused, his eyes lifting up to think. "Um, welllll..."

"Uh huh, thought so." Jayne replied, turning away.

"Oh, dude, by the way, do you know your girlfriend's out looking for them too?"

Whirling around, Jayne's face turned an angry shade of red. Luckily it was too dark for Hurley to see.

"She ain't my ruttin' girlfriend! I don't even like her none. She's a pain in my _pi gu_ an' I don't want nuthin' ta do with her."

Hurley raised an eyebrow. "Okay, but, you seem to know exactly who I'm talking about. Weird for someone who claims she's not his girlfriend, don't you think?"

Jayne mouth worked trying to come up to a response to that, but his brain was slow in cooperating. Hurley shifted awkwardly and added, "Sooo, you coming to help?"

Closing his mouth, Jayne inhaled deeply through his nose before saying, "Lemme git Vera."

"Okay dude. Uhh, wait, who's Vera?"

Already walking to his tent, Jayne called back, "A Callahan full-bore autolock with a customized trigger and double-cartridge thorough gauge."

Hurley stared after him, mouth open. "Dude, is that like, a gun?"

Rolling his eyes, Jayne lifted his tent flap, turning back to address Hurley. "It is my very favorite gun."

Standing outside Jayne's tent, Hurley continued to chat away as Jayne unrolled his blanket and removed Vera. Normally he didn't keep her loaded, but ever since that creepy, fog monster thing chased him down, he wasn't taking his chances.

"So, you name your guns?" Hurley inquired as Jayne exited the tent and walked right past him. "Dude, didn't anyone tell you that's kind of weird?"

"Didn't anyone tell ya that ya flap yer jaw too much?" Jayne bit back as the big guy tried to keep up pace.

Hurley put his hands up in defense. "Whoa dude, calm yourself. Just making an observation."

"Well, why don't ya do less observin' and tell me which gorram direction we're headed? _Dong ma_?"

"Dong... huh?" Hurley replied, highly confused.

Gripping the barrel on Vera tightly, Jayne slowly asked through gritted teeth, "WHICH WAY?"

"Uh, follow me." Hurley grabbed one of the torches lighting up the beach and started off into the jungle, not feeling too comfortable having the man wielding the knives and huge gun behind him.

There was silence as the trekked through the foliage, and silence had always made Hurley feel weird, so he cleared his throat and asked, "So why don't you like that River chick? I mean, she's really cute, and smart, and sweet. Sure she talks funny sometimes, but she can't help that."

Jayne sighed, relenting to the fact that the guy was never going shut up. "Women-folk ain't ta be trusted." The merc stated firmly. 'Specially ones that could snap yer neck in a tick an' kill ya dead wit' only her brain."

Hurley's eyebrows shot up at the latter proclamation. "Dude, that sounds like something out of a science fiction movie. But guess since you all crashed here in a space ship thingy and this place is like a creeped out version of Gilligan's Island, anything could be possible." Hurley paused to catch his breath. "Anyways, you should totally ask her out. She told me that…Oh, hey look dude, I see 'em up ahead. Here's your chance."

"Wait, what'd she say?" Jayne asked, eyebrow lifting with surprise.

"Whatever dude, just, go ask her to go for a walk on the beach with you sometime." Hurley started waving his arms at him, trying to encourage him to go through with it.

"Now hold on, did she put ya up ta this?"

Frowning, the man shook his shaggy mane of hair. "No, what she said was that if you ever asked her out, she wouldn't say 'No.' Now go on."

Looking ahead, Jayne could make out the figure of Kate holding a torch, Sawyer beside her, and River slightly off to the side. With a huff, Jayne started forward.

"Ya comin', Buddha?"

Hurley pouted as he struggled to catch up. "You've been hanging out with Sawyer too much."

Sawyer glanced up to see Jayne and Hurley coming towards them and rolled his eyes, acting for all the world put out. "Ah, for the love of monkeys, if it ain't G.I. Jayne and the nutty professor."

"Sawyer, shut up. We can use all the help we can get." Kate chided as she scowled at the man.

"Wrong primate. He's an ape." River corrected with a slight smirk, looking pointedly at the merc.

Jayne swung Vera to the opposite shoulder and growled at the girl, burning her up with his ice-blue eyes. This was the thanks he got for…

River's smile widened. "Glad you came."

A little taken aback by her grin, he tried shrugging it off. "Yeah well, this guy wouldn't let up, and I weren't really tired, and if you git yerself kidnapped by eerie-ass hillfolk again, it'll be up ta me ta save ya again so...yeah."

River raised an eyebrow at the last remark, since he had been the one who hadn't even wanted to come back for her and her brother, but then she reached out and grabbed his wrist.

"This way." she declared, leading their party on.

Sawyer looked Hurley up and down as they started walking.

"Hell, if Stay Puft here is gonna help ya, then I'm headin' back. I got a hangover that would knock an Irishman flat on his ass."

"Whatever." Hurley shrugged as he started after Jayne and River. "We got the dude with the big gun and the chick with the crazy brain melting powers."

Sawyer felt a little hurt at being so quickly replaced, but didn't let it show.

Kate looked sternly at Sawyer, "I don't know why I even bother." Turning on her heels, Kate followed after the group as he called after her, "'Cause ya just can't stay away, Darlin'." Sawyer raised his voice as the forms retreated further away. "I'm fire and you're a breath of fresh air, baby, together, we make an raging inferno!"

Jayne made a face, gently shaking River's hand from his arm. He'd already been sick once that night, he didn't need to start throwing up again on account of Sawyer's feeble attempt to be smooth.

The group continued on, River leading the way like a bloodhound on the scent. Kate caught up to her to provide light, while Jayne and Hurley hung back a few paces.

"Dude, you should like, go ask her out now. Perfect timing." Hurley said, voice lowered covertly.

Jayne just snorted. "Here we are in the middle of a creepy ass jungle; it's possible we'll get kidnapped or e't or booby-trapped, an' here yer tryin' ta hook me up with Crazy. If ya care so much 'bout who she's with, why don't you put the moves on her?"

"Because, man," Hurley answered seriously, "you'd come to your senses and kick my ass."

Up ahead, Kate nudged River. "Are you sure this is the way they went? How can you be so certain?"

"Following the trail of blood." River responded aridly, then off of the older woman's horrified expression gave Kate a look to show she wasn't serious.

"Sometimes I see things." She explained. "Bits and parts of a working whole."

"Like a psychic?" Kate inquired, switching the torch to her left hand.

River shrugged. "Psychic, psychotic. Cut, molded and scarred."

Kate felt a little bad for the girl, but had no idea how to respond to that, so she said nothing.

"Don't worry," River smiled, "Nobody does."

"Did you just read my thoughts?" Kate inquired, more shocked than anything. When the girl didn't answer, she took that as a yes and they continued trekking through the brush in silence.

"Nothing happened." River finally divulged, sensing the awkwardness between them.

Kate cracked a knowing smile. "You like the big guy."

River blushed a little and looked down. "He's a boob."

Kate sighed. "Yeah, we sure know how to pick 'em."

Her eyes glazing over slightly, River murmured, "We can't help who we fall in love with, Katherine."

A chill worked it's way up Kate's back, as she heard her mother's words coming out of River's mouth. Turning around, she saw Jayne and Hurley trailing behind. Willing her voice not to give away how unnerved she was, she called out, "Hurry up, guys!"

"Coming!" Hurley said, putting a bit move effort into walking. Within a few moments, they had caught up to the women.

"A storm is coming." River said softly.

Jayne squinted down at her. "Now you mean a storm in that weird, not literal thing you got goin' on, or you mean rain?"

A smile tugging at her lips, she replied, "Rain, Jayne. The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain."

Lighting flashed across the sky and a low, deep thunder rumbled across the valley before a torrent of icy rain began to fall upon them. "They're here." River announced.

At that moment, Jack and Juliet came bursting out of nowhere running towards them hand in hand. "Go, now!" they screamed in unison at the four standing there idly.

A strange clicking sound cut through the night followed by a boom more frightening than the thunder had been.

Jayne's eyes grew wide. "Gorramit, not that thing again." Hauling his ass after the group, he muttered to himself, "Think I preferred the Reavers."

It only took Jayne a moment to realize that River wasn't with them. Turning around, he tried to make her out in the darkness and sheets of heavy rain.

"Gorramit girl! You got a deathwish?!" he yelled out, but received no answer. A flash of lightening lit up the jungle, and he saw her standing still, facing away from him. Running back over, he fumbled for her arm and grabbed ahold of her.

"Let's go already!" he dragged her along, but finally her feet started to work and she was able to run alongside him. Jayne, however, didn't release her until they were safely back on the beach, just to be certain she wouldn't go back after the weird monster thing.

Hurley was panting heavily and Kate was glaring at Jack and Juliet, who were having a quiet moment a few yards off as the rain abruptly ceased.

Jayne grabbed River by the shoulders and shook her. "The hell's wrong with you, Crazy? You _want_ ta die?"

"It's crossed my mind." River muttered, her eyes tearing up as Jayne tried not to think about tormented girls wanting to off themselves.

Trembling, she looked up at the merc, her eyes darting back and forth. "Looked into it's face, saw…death."

Without thinking, Jayne pulled River into his arms, suddenly wanting to protect her in all the ways he had failed before.

River closed her eyes as she pressed her cheek against Jayne's damp chest. They were both drenched and unconsciously shivering, but River had never felt more surrounded by strength and warmth.

"No gorram island monster's gonna git us, girl. I'll pump it full 'a lead 'fore it gits near enough."

River nodded her head against his chest, tiny shaking hands gripping his wet shirt.

Pulling back, he looked her over carefully. "An' now yer gonna go an' freeze ta death. C'mon, I got a towel in my tent."

Turning in the direction of his tent, he took ahold of her arm and started to lead her, seeing Hurley give him a thumbs up out of the corner of his eye. Sneering a little at the man, Jayne told himself that it didn't mean anything. He just didn't want a fellow crew member to get sick and die.

He ushered River into his tent, then searched around in the dim light of dawn for the towel, hoping to find his flashlight first. River moved to sit down on his pallet, but tripped over the glass bottle of alcohol and glossy nudie magazine he had dropped earlier.

River bent down and brushed her fingers over the amber colored bottle before picking up the magazine. Flipping through the pages, River's face was virtually expressionless as Jayne eyed her uncomfortably.

When she was done, she carefully laid it aside and looked up at Jayne. "I preferred October. May has false feminine projectiles."

His mouth fell open, but then he collected himself and came over, sitting beside her and draping his towel across her shoulders, rubbing her arms.

"Projectiles. Ya mean she's got fake breasts, or she's smugglin' missiles?"

Giggling, River set her head against his shoulder. "Implants to enhance her desirability to males."

"Ah. An' ya say ya like October huh? You got a thing fer women?" He waggled an eyebrow at her when she glanced up at him, and she lightly whacked the back of her hand against his chest.

"No. I prefer men." Her eyes drifted across his face seriously.

Jayne's eyebrows lifted slightly at River's intent look. The whole tent started to feel like it was closing in on him and suddenly his hands felt awkward resting on her slender arms.

She was doing that wily thing woman-folk do with their eyes when they want you to kiss them. All Jayne could think about was how gorram intimidating she was, what with her bewitching eyes and slightly parted mouth. And she weren't even being all schizo neither.

Licking his lips, Jayne broke the thick silence. "So didya, you know, with Blondie?"

"You mean did we go rut in a tent as you suggested?" River questioned with mock innocence.

"Uh, yeah." He replied sheepishly.

Turning into the merc's arms, River crawled her fingers up his chest and poked him with a sharp, little finger. "What do you think?" She smiled her loopy grin up at him, enjoying the shift in power.

Watching her finger poking him, he shrugged. "I dunno. Mebbe, if he's yer type."

"He's not." she announced firmly, watching his face carefully.

"Then... no? Ya didn't?"

Smiling, she ran her fingertips back through his wet hair. "What would happen if I had?"

Jayne snorted. "'Sides you gettin' a venereal disease?"

"Besides." River emphasized, encouraging him with her eyes.

Jayne shivered pleasantly as the girl's touch caused placating sensations to crawl down his neck. "Well," He began, tipping his head down to breath in the skin along her neck. "I reckon I'd hafta tell yer brother an' Mal that you'd gone an' went crazy again."

River ran her hands down from Jayne's hair to cup his face, tilting her chin up so that their lips were practically touching. "Perfectly sane." She breathed before pressing her lips firmly to his.

_Oh hell_. Jayne thought. _She's kissing me. She's kissing me on the mouth. She's kissing me... and it's not bad at all. What the hell was I so worried about?_

Parting his lips slightly, he deepened their kiss, tugging her into his lap. River's stomach was doing a ballet leap inside her abdomen as she settled herself in her new position. He pressed a large hand to the back of her head, not about to let her get away anytime soon.

_One thing's fer sure, _Jayne thought, _I been a damn fool not to take her in my arms before this. _

River giggled against Jayne's lips as his thoughts poured over into her mind. Breaking their kiss, the merc frowned down at her. "What's up? Ain't I doin' it right?"

Biting her lip, River shook her head as she looked up at him with eyes that said he was doing more than alright. "Feared what you didn't comprehend." She explained.

Then lightly, sensually, River kissed him again. Bringing her mouth over his bottom lip, she softly sucked on the tender flesh, causing certain parts of Jayne to ache intensely. Pulling away, she whispered, "Now you understand."

Jayne growled at the seductiveness in her voice and attacked her again full force. They had only spent another minute or so in some pretty heavy lip locking before an awkward clearing of someone's throat interrupted them.

River and Jayne both turned towards the source, still clinging to one another. River turned pink as she rested her face against Jayne's chest and smiled at the big guy.

"Uh, hey dude, and dudette." Hurley nodded to both of them as he peeked his head inside the tent. "Um, right on. You know, with the kissing and…"

"There somthin' ya want?" Jayne growled, slightly irritated at having had to stop the oral play. He hadn't even got to see skin yet neither. That thought made him even more impatient as he waited for Hurley to stammer out an explanation.

"Right." Hurley began. "Um, we're having an emergency town meeting 'cause of what happened tonight and all your people are already there, and since they didn't know you guys were in here, together, I figured I should be the one to, you know, tell you."

Sighing, River gently removed herself from Jayne's lap.

"Thank you."

"Aww..." Jayne whined. "It were jus' gettin' good!"

River smiled at him understandingly, holding out her hand for him, but he pulled himself to his feet without her assistance.

"Not sure if it's a good idea fer them ta see us all... together. I mean, not jus' yet, what with the crazy island monster killin' people an' all, ya know?"

River's smile faded into a frown, her newfound elation fading. "You want to hide me away?" She was tired of keeping secrets, too many thoughts, memories locked down deep. She had wanted liberation from Jayne, not oppression.

Hurley shoved his hands his pockets, looking down as he shuffled his feet in he sand, "Guess that's my cue to leave. Uh, later guys."

Jayne just looked at River with a loss for words, suddenly remembering why he kept himself unattached. Ruttin' women had to make a gorram stink about nearly everything.

"That ain't what I said." he grumbled, exiting the tent. River stayed behind

for a moment, staring at the spot where so recently they had been exploring each others' mouths.

"Ya comin'?" his voice called from outside. When she didn't move, he popped his head back in. "Ya can't stay here, girl. That thing might make you his snack."

"I don't want to hide what I feel. I'm not afraid." she murmured.

Coming back into the tent, Jayne shifted awkwardly, then cleared his throat and held his hand out.

"I ain't no fraidy-cat. I ain't scared neither."

Smiling with relief, she took his hand and allowed him to led her outside.

They made their way hand in hand to where everyone was huddled underneath an overhang, a large bonfire lighting up the area beside the crowd. River felt both nervous and proud that Jayne hadn't let go on her hand yet.

Jack's voice boomed out over the crowd with conviction. He was going on about how the others were coming and everyone looked half-dead as they listened on. The Others were always coming, whoopteedoo.

Sawyer, who was standing next to Mal on the outskirts of the group was the first to turn and see them approaching. He smirked with amusement at the pair as he addressed River. "Aw, darlin', ya didn't hafta go an' trade down on the account of my unavailability."

River blinked at him owlishly, feeling Jayne bristle beside her.

"Didn't trade down." she replied. "I realized what a poor match you would be, hiding behind your words as they slither like serpents from your mouth. Shouldn't hide. Jayne doesn't hide." She looked up proudly at her merc, noting that his chest puffed out a bit at her words.

"Did I, uhh, miss sumthin'?" Mal asked, eyeing the two.

"Yes, but all will be explained soon. "It's time to go home." she grinned at him knowingly.

Jayne looked down at River with a puzzled expression, but before he could ask the girl to elaborate, a scuffle broke out between Sayid and Jack. They were hollering at each other with an unbridled intensity. The crowd was starting to get riled up right along with them in a pitchfork-burn'em-at-the-stake sort of way.

Sayid got up into Jack's face. "I'm tired of you running around the island with Juliet. Making decisions that exclude the rest of us. Now tell us what exactly you were doing in that jungle!"

Simon caught a glimpse of River over the ruckus and pushed through the crowd to get to her. "_Mei mei, _I've been looking for you everywhere!" He assessed her up and down to make sure she was ok but his eyes froze in place when he saw his sister's hand interlocked with Jayne's.

River sighed. "It has been a long night of drunkenness, debauchery, near peril and oral exploration. Too tired to explain now, Simon. I'll send you a memo."

Jayne snickered, enjoying the look of horror on Simon's face. Mal raised an eyebrow, but said nothing, deciding instead to intervene the fight. Clearing his throat, the captain shouted amidst the chaos. "You'll wanna explain to us why you felt the need to drag our asses out of bed to bear witness to a gorram screaming match?"

Everyone stopped and stared at Mal, and the man had to grin that he was finally getting the attention he deserved, when he heard a familiar sound behind him, and realized that the crowd was actually looking _behind_ Mal.

"Hey, Mal!" Wash's cheery voice called from _Serenity's _speaker system. "Me and Kaylee fixed the ship! Now how's about we get the crew and castaways on board and escape this eerie island of mystery?"

Turning around, Mal saw Wash set her down like a feather gliding down to the ground. "Right. Well that solves that die-lemma." He glanced over his shoulder. "Anyone wants to come with, yer welcome to, an' we'll drop ya off where ya need ta go. But ya ain't on my boat in ten minutes, ya lost yer chance."

He began striding across the sand all captain-y, while the castaways started talking in raised voices.

"Time ta go home, huh?" Jayne asked, grinning down at River.

She smiled and shrugged. "Simon says I have the Third Eye, don't you Simon?"

Her brother could only stare at her, mouth slightly open and still near catatonic at the last bit of news she had related to him.

Hurley called after the group that had started towards the ship. "Um, hey dudes, aren't you guys like from 500 years in the future? How's that gonna work? And, um, aren't we all supposed to be dead or something?"

Sawyer spoke up. "Never mind that. How are we all gonna fit on that dinky ship? I ain't bunking with Captain Falafel."

"Maybe we should have a lottery?" Someone shouted.

"No! No lottery." Hurley quickly dissented as he shook his head.

"It's a cargo ship. We can herd cattle." River stated plainly.

"Do we look like cattle to you?" Sawyer snapped, something beyond the

surface nagging at him.

River just blinked. "Yes, that's what I meant. Unthinking masses."

"What are you complaining about, Sawyer? We're leaving, going home. Didn't you hear that part?" Kate interjected.

"Maybe I like things right fine the way they are. Got ourselves a good thing going here." Sawyer defended.

Kate crossed her arms and snorted. "Yeah, because fearing for our lives on a daily basis is a wonderful way to live."

"What do you recall it was you were doing before we crashed on paradise island, Freckles?"

Kate just stared at the man blankly, unable to answer.

"That's what I thought."

Kate reached out and grabbed Sawyers arm. "What are you really scared of, Sawyer?"

"Nothing, just leave it!"

"Saw…"

"_Lao tian ye!_" Jayne yelled, and the castaways fell silent. "I fer one don't give a good gorram what y'all decide ta do, but we ain't gonna fluff pillows an' lay out guest towels fer you lot. So either git yer whinin' _pi gus_ onboard the ship, or go sit around the campfire

waitin' fer the monster an' them jungle folk ta gitcha."

Finished with his little tirade, he squeezed River's hand and they wordlessly went to his makeshift tent to collect his things, Simon following uneasily.

After that, they walked to River and Simon's tent, where the siblings grabbed their belongings and left for the ship.

As they crossed the sand, River paused and looked behind her, where not far away Kate stood uncertainly, a backpack at her feet.

"Come along." River called. "Anywhere's better than home, except for here. This is a good resolution to your problem."

Nodding, Kate lifting the backpack onto her shoulders and caught up to the three.

"You think you guys will be able to get back to where you came from?"

"Oh yes." River answered with certainty. "The temporal time rift is still open with ample time left to safely navigate our way through. Must inform Wash of this." She gently pulled her hand from Jayne's and, with a sweet smile directed towards him, skipped her way across the beach and up the ramp of _Serenity._

"Kate! Hold up."

Turning, Kate saw Sawyer jogging towards her, carrying a small sack of his

own. "Changed my mind. I'm coming with." Turing towards Jayne, he asked "Think you could use a lowly conman to help with the thievin'? Way I figure it, your world seems a hell of a lot more suited for our kind."

A slow smirked crawled over Jayne's face. "You sure that's what you want? I done warned you about the Reavers, an' we's git shot at plenty, an' there ain't gonna be no fresh grub aboard. To be honest, most o' it smells like crotch."

"Look, I got stabbed and shot enough times here to warrant me some practice. Think I could handle it. Long as Freckles here plays nurse." Sawyer paused to wink at Kate who in turn rolled her eyes, but couldn't hide a small smile. "What's more, I ain't scared of no freaky looking cannibals, and frankly, I'm plain sick and tired of mangos."

Jayne shrugged. "I ain't got a problem with it. Tell ya the truth, more gun hands means less chance I'll get shot at. But y'all gotta take it up with Mal." He and Simon led them up into the cargo bay where Mal and Zoe were clearing the floor a bit.

"This it? Two people?" Mal asked.

"Well," Simon answered, looking behind him, "there may be more coming."

"Then they best git here it the next sixty seconds 'cause we're takin' off."

Sawyer turned to Jayne as they walked up the ramp. "So whaddya say about another friendly game of 'I never' once everyone settles in?"

Jayne set his bag down on a crate as he turned back to look out at the landscape. Dawn cast the island in a golden hallow as the a large group streamed their way up the ramp and past them, eager to go home.

Turning to Sawyer, Jayne shrugged. "Alright. First one ta pass out has trash detail. I ain't pickin' up after all these _ben dans_."

Sawyer raised his eyebrows at the challenge. "What make's ya so sure your goin' to win, Big Slick?"

Jayne just scoffed at him. "Cuz now we're gonna be drinking Blue Sun whiskey. It'll knock ya on yer ass faster'n you can say... 'Don't knock me on my ass.'"

Sawyer gave him a smirk at that, while Mal lifted the ramp right behind the last castaway and nodded at Zoe to contact Wash on the comm.

"Everyone's aboard. We got a green light?"

"Sure do, lambietoes. River's got a plan all worked out, jus' wants Mal to come up and a-ok it."

Mal started up the stairs, gesturing at Zoe to give Wash the go ahead.

"Captain's on his way. Take us into the air, baby."

---

**Epilogue**

After dropping everyone off at their respective destinations on Earth-that-where before it wasn't, and after nearly getting blown out of the sky by the U.S. Air Force, _Serenity_ miraculously made the jump back to a more familiar future.

Locke was the only one from Flight 815 to stay behind. The crazed man had an unexplainable fixation with the island. He eventually killed Ben and was deemed the new Messiah of the island.

Surviving Desmond's prophetic fate, Charlie, Claire and Aaron returned to Australia where they had six more kids and started a rock'n roll inspired children's television show.

Jack and Juliet had departed together to reunite with her sister and nephew in the States. Kate was a little bummed about it at first, but after a while she started eyeballing the Captain and following him around like a love sick puppy. For some reason the man reminded her of her ex-husband.

Sawyer had finally had enough of Kate's indecisiveness and decided that the mechanic was a sweeter piece of cherry pie. Slowly, Kaylee started to forget about her Simon infatuation as Sawyer's forwardness and insatiable sexual appetite was much more to her liking. Besides, she had a thing for scruffy men with long blond hair; especially in the engine room.

Simon and Inara soon sought comfort in one another, and the companion showed the Doctor things he could do with his anatomy he never thought possible. He's currently co-writing a medical journal on his findings.

Zoe and Wash decided to adopt Hurley instead of having children of their own. Hurley had fun playing dinosaurs with his Pop and finally lost a couple hundred pounds due to a strict protein diet and the newfound comfort of parental love.

Jayne and River had their ups and downs, moreso than most couples, seeing as he was a commitment-phobe and she was certifiably crazy. But somehow they found a happy medium, and strange enough, it was Sawyer that kept them together. Even though he was with Kaylee, the man couldn't speak to a woman without flirting, so whenever he spoke to River, the hairs on the back of Jayne's neck stood up, and he had an uncontrollable desire to protect what was his.

But as Sawyer was now crew, Jayne couldn't just beat the hell out of him like he wanted. Instead, he and Sawyer got plenty drunk playing games of 'I never,' most of which Jayne won until Sawyer got used to the liquor of the future.

THE END


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